Ok, so for all of you who have been hiding under a rock since 1962, let me break down this story for you: Puff is this bitchin' magic dragon, who lives by the kick-ass sea. He has this "friend" Jackie Paper, who brings him fancy stuff. Some dragons hoard gold, some hoard magic dragon eggs...Puff is the kind of dragon who hoards shit like strings and sealing wax. So he's a little slow, shut the fuck up. Like you could ever be a dragon...
Yeah, so Puff and Jackie like to take mystical sailing trips, visit kings and princes, and take on the pussiest pirates (seriously, roaring "Puff!", who the hell would that scare?). They have good times, they have a real connection, nothing is going to tear these two apart. Brothers from another mother.
Then you turn the damn page. Oh, that's right, dragons live forever...but not so little boys. Gawd, here comes the water works. That's right, Puff gets dumped by his good friend Jackass, I mean Jackie. Puberty hits and suddenly he has no time for magic dragons. No, it's all peach fuzz, tits, and masturbation for our little Jackie. And Puff, well he just sadly slips into his cave. To die, I assume. Fuck.
The book itself is a beauty, celebrating 50 years of Puff. I personally have the board book, but I also have a one-year-old son. There is a larger, regular version too. My son loves it, and we read the shit outta this book almost every night. Did I say read? I mean sing. If you know the song you can't help but sing it. I dare you to try! Also, deep down I am a total wuss, and I get to "A dragon lives forever..." and I'm done. My son gets to listen to me sob my way through the rest of this song. I'm a shitty singer, to begin with. I just can't handle it, it's too sad for me. Oh God, my son is getting so old...
Oh, and for everyone out there who thinks this song is about weed I just have one thing to say: shut the fuck up you assholes. This song is about the loss of childhood innocence, not about mother fucking weed. This isn't some Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds shit here.
I have two issues with this book, though:
1. I hate the changed line "A dragon lives forever, but not so little girls and boys". It hurts the rhythm, and I thinks it's unnecessary. When we read it, we only use the original lyrics. My kiddo is a boy, so it works for me. If I were reading it to a girl I could always change it to "girl" if I needed to. But I like the original version best.
2. My other issue is adding Jackie's daughter to the end. Sure, the little bitch is only in the illustrations, not actually mentioned in the writing. The song has a sad ending, and as I mentioned before, I prefer the original. Although, the look of happiness on Puffs face when he sees her...FUCK! Now I'm tearing up again! It's a damn children's book!
See? Look how damn happy he is! How can I begrudge him his stupid little friend?
5 out of 5 Magical Fucks given!
Get you own magic dragon here:
Puff the Magic Dragon
Leonard Lipton and Peter Yarrow
Published August 1st, 2007 by Sterling Children's Books
24 pages
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