The City of the Lost

The City of the Lost is the first book I've read by author Kelley Armstrong. After reading it I looked at some of the other titles she's written...go do that now. I'll wait.

Yeah. Crappy paperback supernatural romances. Had I known that I wouldn't have picked this book up, which would have been a shame. This fucker was a pretty decent read.

The City of the Lost centers around Casey, the young homicide detective with a dark past. Her good friend Dumbass Diana gets into some trouble with her ex-husband and needs a place to hide. Diana learns about a secret town called Rockton that people trying to hide can get into...for the right price. And luckily for Diana, they need a new detective to help solve a recent rash of murders. Casey essentially buys Diana a pass into the town and begrudgingly joins her there for a short stay.

It's 430 odd pages of mystery, so I'm going to break it down for you real simple like while not ruining the mystery parts. Here's what I liked about it:

1. Interesting location with a good back story. Wilderness, cannibals, bears, secrets! Hells Ya!
2. Some pretty good side characters who seemed real, not just there to push the story along-Will, Petra, Isabel, Mick...
3. The Sheriffs back story, even though it comes quite late in the book. I do have an issue with part of it, but then I have issues with so many things in life...
4. Casey. Our heroine didn't piss me off. She was neither super weak, or coldly strong. She made mistakes but wasn't a dumbass. I could deal with this bitch.
5. It takes place in Canada, and several Canadian cities are mentioned. It's neato if you yourself are a Canadian (as I am), and rarely get to see much of your nationality turn up in fiction unless you specifically search out shitty Canadian fiction.

Here's what I didn't like:

1. The predictable romance between Casey and Eric. Who didn't see that coming immediately? Yeah, you fuckers gonna fuck.
2. Eric. Holy fucking lord. "I'm so gruff and tough, but I'm so sorry, sorry, sorry. Grr!" Good backstory, annoying ass character. Also, Jacob seemed tacked on, the mystical sheriff with the mystical MacGuffin.
3. This particular problem is one more with mysteries in general than this book in particular, but I hate reading 400 pages of mystery and ending up with 2 pages of AHA! This is who did it and why! 
4. Who did it. Stupid.

Ultimately, a decent read. Give this little fucker a try for yourself, discover the mystery of Rockton! Oooh! Aaah!

And Tango Makes Three

The Penguins are gay, get the fuck over it, people!

This s the apparently true story about a pair of male penguins at the Central Park Zoo who hatch and raise a chick, and it has been turned into a pretty little children's story. Then some asshats decided to ban it, burn it, and just plain hate it because they are homophobic dick heads. The penguins aren't fucking, there is no hardcore penguin porn.

Won't somebody please think of the children!

This book deals with many, many topics including same-sex relationships and adoption.If you have children, and you aren't a petrified fool living in the stone age, it's a good little book for your collection. 4 Fucks Given!



 And Tango Makes Three
Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell
Published June 1st, 2005 by Simon and Schuster Books for Young Readers
32 Pages

Forever (The Wolves of Mercy Falls #3)

Seriously? Did you even read my reviews for the first two? Did you actually think I would read this one? Gaa...you're dumber than you look. And we're online muthafuckas!


And hopefully next by Stiefvater...

I like that they look like French Bulldogs. Also, apparently there is a 4th in the series (Sinner), but there ain't no way I'm reading it.

Forever
Maggie Stiefvater
Published July 12th, 2011 by Scholastic Press
388 Pages

Long Live Real Books!

Morris Has a Cold

Oh My Gawd, this Motherfuckin' Moose! He kills me! This was one of my favorites when I was a child, and I still think it's hilarious! Apparently, Morris and Boris have their own series of books, though this is the only one I've ever read. I can only imagine they are all as cunt-smackingly amazing as this one. Morris has a cold, his nose is walking. That's right, walking. It's only a little cold. Fucking GOLD! Poor Boris, he goes through a lot of crap trying to help Morris. Gets him a bed that's not a cat, carries a big ass cast iron stove thing, makes him soup and Morris eats the damn spoon. Lordy, he makes me laugh even more than Morris does. I also have a feeling he eats Morris just after the books ends... And in case you don't already know, Tea is a letter, like A, B, C, D... Get this book and read it when you have a cold. You will feel 100% better. And if you don't, at least you'll have an awesome book. 4 Fucks! Morris Has a Cold Bernard Wiseman Published November 1st, 1977 by Scholastic 48 Pages

Blind Hope: An Unwanted Dog and the Woman She Rescued

Are you a bible thumper who loves dogs? Then this book might just be for you! All others, steer clear of this pile of dog shit.

I LOVE dogs. Love the fuckers. I had eight in my home at one point. Eight of my own...then two fosters. I'm not talking about the little yappy dicks either, I had a Saint Bernard, a Rottweiler, Newfoundland...So you could say I am partial to a good dog story. Make it a story about a rescue dog, even better. Make it a story about a special needs rescue dog, break out the kleenex. So why was this book so bad?

Because the dog was barely featured in the damn thing! This book is basically the author having a (stilted, boring, contrived) conversation with Laurie, the owner of Mia. The dog is not named Hope, which I would have expected based on the title, which proves that the authors are assholes. 100%. It is all about poor, broken Laurie discovering her spirituality. I read this because I wanted the story of the dog and a little wee bit about her person. Got it the other way around. No thanks,

P.S.-Laurie, there is a picture of you in this book. How can you criticize your dog for being "ugly"?

P.S.S.- I currently have 3 dogs, 2 Beagle mixes and a shitty, yappy, inherited Pomeranian.



Blind Hope: An Unwanted Dog and the Woman She Rescued
Kim Meeder, Laurie Sacher
Published July 20th, 2010 by Multnomah
208 Pages

Just For Kids? Really?