Miss Piggy is one glamourous bitch. with an amaze-balls wardrobe and a personal stylist that only a movie star could afford. If you only read one book in your life, make sure it's this one...and take the damn advice. Are you doing better in life than this damn piece of felt with a man's hand up her ass? I didn't think so.
This guide covers such topics as:
Beauty: "In a word, beauty is being yourself. (After all, if people really could be someone else, everywhere you looked there would be millions of Moi!)
Dieting: "Do not weigh yourself constantly. Every time you stand on the scales, it stretches the little springs and wing nuts inside and slowly presses them flat- the result, even with no weight gain whatsoever, is that the scale makes you appear to weigh a little more each time.
Deck 'Em or Decorum: "At a party, someone makes a play for your frog. You-
a. Inform her politely that he is "spoken for."
b. Give her a taste of handburger. "
There is also a section where Miss Piggy sagely answers questions from the "public". The asparagus actually made me laugh out loud, and that doesn't happen often to this jaded bitch.
Also, can we talk about the photos in this fucker? Gorgeous. This damn pig is too pretty, and the pictures reflect it. Now, this is 80's pork, so the styles are a bit...old? tackily awesome? This pigs designer did an awesome job dressing her in clothes so perfectly real, and correctly to scale. Her hair is flawless as well. Bitch.
This book was published in 1981, so this is some original ass Miss Piggy. (Miss Piggy was created for the Muppet Show which began airing in 1976, she was originally just a background character, if you can believe that shit!) This book may be old, but if you are a muppet fan it is an essential book for your collection. I got my copy from a thrift shop. It smells of mold and cat piss. You can get yours here:
I will close this review with my favorite quote from this book, a piece of advice I wholeheartedly believe: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." Ya damn right Piggy, ya damn right!
5 out of 5 Fucks Given
Miss Piggy's Guide to Life
Henry N. Beard, Henson Associates
Published December 31st, 1981, by Muppet Press
113 pages
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